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How do I end my bad relationship with food – and myself? – Happy Healthy

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How do I end my bad relationship with food –...

How do I end my bad relationship with food – and myself?

– Scroll down for English version – 

En læser har bedt om hjælp til at heale hendes problematiske forhold til mad – og til sig selv.

Hun har en sort/hvid tilgang til sin kost
Hun lever ”super-sundt”, men når hun endelig giver sig selv ”lov”, så ender det i overspisning
Hun føler skyld og skam
Hvis hun ikke lever ”perfekt sundt”, så kan det også bare være lige meget – enter eller…
Sådan er der rigtig rigtig mange, der har har det, og derfor er det et utrolig vigtigt emne for mig at dele. Ikke mindst, fordi jeg også selv har været der. 
Den sort/hvide tilgang og bestræbelserne på ”perfekt sundhed” handler ofte om et forsøg på kontrol, perfektionisme, lavt selvværd og/eller et negativt kropsbillede. ”Kampen med maden” handler altså ikke om mad – det handler om følelser. Det er tærende. Drænende. Glædesdræbende. Heldigvis behøver man ikke have det sådan! Det er nemlig muligt at komme på den anden side. Det er jeg selv.
Men hvorfor kæmper vi overhovedet med maden? Der er rigtig mange forskellige årsager til dette, men én forklaring på, hvorfor der er SÅ mange, der kæmper med maden i dag, kan blandt andet findes i vores samfundstendenser. Dagens samfund er præstationspræget, konkurrencemindet og stiller store krav til det enkelte individ. Det kan for mange være rigtig svært at navigere rundt i dette og føle sig tilstrækkelig. Vi kan hurtigt komme til at føle, at vi burde være bedre, gøre mere, nå mere, opnå mere, se bedre ud osv. Det kan i mere eller mindre grad skabe usikkerhed, lavt selvværd, utilstrækkelighedfølelse, angst, frygt for fremtiden mm. For nogle kan maden her blive en måde at føle en form for kontrol og tryghed på. Dette løser dog ikke problemet – tværtimod så ender man bare med en dobbeltproblematik: kampen med samfundets krav og kampen med maden.
Jeg vil ikke kæmpe med maden. Jeg vil være sund. Jeg vil stråle. Jeg vil være glad fra top til tå. Det fortjener jeg, og det gør du så sandelig også.
Hvad kan du så gøre? Det er selvfølgelig ikke nok ”bare” at beslutte, at man fortjener bedre. Allerførst er det vigtigt at forstå, at kampen med maden handler om følelser, og det er dér, du skal starte.
Er der følelser, behov eller lyster, som du undertrykker? Ignorerer? Eller ikke kan/vil acceptere?
Er du usikker? Føler lavt selvværd? Eller frygter du fremtiden?
Alt sammen kan være med til at skabe et behov for at kontrollere maden. Maden bliver på den måde et forsøg på at udfylde et tomrum på eller, som sagt, kontrollere en svær tilværelse. Derfor handler det altså om at ”lære sig selv at kende”. Du må lære, hvilke følelser, der reelt ligger bag din kamp med maden.
Hvilke følelser har du? Hvilke lyster? Hvilke behov?
Prøv at mærke efter i dig selv. Uanset om de er ubehagelige eller gør ondt, så bliver du nødt til at acceptere dem. Skriv dem ned på et stykke papir, eller del det med en person, du kan åbne op overfor.
Måske hænger dine følelser sammen med en tidligere oplevelse, som du ikke har fået bearbejdet og helet?
Måske hænger dine følelser sammen med en frygt for fremtiden? Noget du er bange for?
Tal om det. Sæt ord på det. Acceptér det.
Personligt handlede min kamp med maden om, at jeg ikke kunne håndtere den store sorg, det var at miste min far. Først da jeg accepterede hændelsen og fik “renset ud” i alle de følelser, den indebar, blev mit forhold til maden helet. Det krævede for mig timevis af snak og grædeture med min mor, kæreste, veninder og en fantastisk psykolog hos Børn, Unge og Sorg. Så ja, det tog mig ikke en enkelt dag at hele… Læs mere om min historie HER. Min historie bundede altså i et større traume, men et lignende problematisk forhold til mad kan opstå af så mange forskellige årsager. Fællesnævneren er, som sagt, indelukkede/fortrængte følelser, manglende selverkendelse, perfektionisme, lavt selvværd, frygt, uro og/eller usikkerhed. At slutte fred med maden kræver, at du accepterer dig selv, dine evner, dine muligheder – hele dig! Dette vil gøre dig i stand til at kunne mærke din krop og dig selv. Du vil kunne mærke dine rigtige behov, og du vil på den måde blive i stand til at give dig selv det, som du har brug for – også hvad angår din mad, hverken for meget eller for lidt.
Kære du. Jeg forstår dig. Jeg har været der. Men det er muligt. Ingen skal lides med at kæmpe med maden. Det er livet bare alt, alt for kort til. Prøv at ”lære dig selv at kende”. Og får du brug for det, så vil jeg på det kraftigste anbefale professionel hjælp. Det er ikke et tabu, men derimod den bedste investering i dig selv, dit liv og din glæde.
Slut fred med maden og lad den i stedet nære dig og gøre dig sund og glad fra top til tå.

– Kærlig hilsen Julie/HappyHealth – 

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– ENGLISH –

A reader has asked me for help about healing her problematic relationship with food – and herself.

She has a black / white approach to her diet
She lives “super-healthy”, but when she finally “lets go” she ends in a binge and eats too much
She feels guilt and shame
If she does not live “perfectly healthy” she feels like it doesn’t matter.
So many feel this way and that’s why it’s such an important topic for me to share. Not least, because I’ve been there myself.
The black / white approach and the strivings for “perfect health” is often about wanting control, perfectionism, low self esteem and / or a negative body image. “Fighting with food” is not about food – it’s about feelings. It is corrosive. Draining. Kills happiness. Fortunately, you do not have feel like that! It is possible to get on the other and make peace with food. I’ve done it myself.
But why do we struggle with food? There are many different reasons for this but one explanation for why SO many struggle with food today is our society’s tendencies. Today’s society is characterized by features such as performance, competition, memory and makes great demands on the individual. It can be really difficult to navigate in this and feel adequate enough. It can make us feel that we should be better, do more, achieve more, look better etc. It can create insecurity, low self-esteem, inadequacy feelings, anxiety, fear of the future and so on. For some, the food becomes a way of feeling some kind of control and security. This does not solve the problem – on the contrary, you just end up with a double problem: the struggle with the demands of society and the struggle with food.
I will not fight with food. I want to be happy. I want to glow and be healthy from head to toe. I deserve it, and so do you!
So, what can you do? Obviously, it’s not enough “just” to decide that you deserve better. First, it is important to understand that the struggle with food is actually about emotions. So that’s where you must begin.
Are you oppressing any feelings, needs or desires? Are you ignoring, or having troubles with accepting any of these? 
Are you insecure? Suffer from low self-esteem? Or do you have any fears – maybe about the future?
All of this can be contributing to the need of controlling food. The food is a way of trying to fill out emptiness or, as already said, an attempt to control difficulties in life. Therefore, it is about “getting to REALLY know yourself”. 
What feelings do you have? What desires? What are your needs?
Try to feel yourself. Even though it might be uncomfortable or hurfull emotions, you must face them and accept them. Write them down on a piece of paper or share it with someone close to you that you can open up to. 
Maybe your feelings are linked to a previous experience that you have not been able to process, accept and heal? 
Maybe your feelings are linked to fear of some sort? Fear of the future? Something you are afraid of?
Talk about it. Put words on it. Accept it.
My battle with food started because I was not able to handle the big grief I went through when I lost my father. It was not until I was able to accept it and talk about all the emotions that I was able to heal my relationship with food. It did not happen over one day. It took me hours an hours of talking and crying with my mother, boyfriend, girlfriends and an amazing psychologist. Read my story HEREPersonally, my story was caused by a major trauma, but a similar problematic relationship with food can occur for so many different reasons. The common denominator, though, is, ignored/unaccepted feelings, low self-esteem, perfectionism, fear, anxiety and/or insecurity.. To make peace with food you must accept yourself, your abilities, your options – all of you! This will enable you to feel your body and yourself. You will be aware of your real needs and you will then be able to give yourself what you truly need – also in terms of your food, neither too much nor too little.
Dear you. I understand you. I’ve been there. But it is possible. No one should suffer from any of this. Life is too short. Get to “know yourself”. If you need professional help I will strongly recommend you to go for it. It’s not tabu – it’s the best investment in yourself, your life and your happiness! At least, it was to me. 
Make peace with food and let it make you happy and healthy from head to toe.  

– Love Julie/HappyHealth – 

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